I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize