When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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