I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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