This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize