1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize