i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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