you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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