ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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