I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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