God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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