we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize