Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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