I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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