I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize