smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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