Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize