This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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