His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
tell me about the fingering
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