Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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