so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize