I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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