no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im part way to drunk.
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