I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize