it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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