I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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