the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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