Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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