Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize