theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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