According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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