Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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