I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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