I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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