It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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