remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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