Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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