I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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