She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize