I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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