I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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