woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize