What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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