I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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