I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize