Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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