If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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