Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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