who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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