I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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