My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize